Immigration Interview With God
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(aka: "Welcome to Peace™ — Population: Allegedly Me" 🛂)
Filed under: Borderline spiritual 🧳 Emotionally contraband 🚫 Gay as bureaucracy 💅
Scene opens.
Celestial immigration office.
Fluorescent lights. Angel with a buzzcut.
I'm holding my emotional passport, three emotional support duffels, and a glowing folder labeled “Evidence I Deserve Peace™.”
God walks in wearing a fitted tank top and judgmental biceps.
He obviously speaks French, but for clarity (and emotional safety), I’m translating the transcript.
GOD:
Name?
ME:
Pierre. But emotionally I respond to “babe,” “haunted,” or “why hasn’t anyone loved me correctly yet.”
GOD:
Age?
ME:
Actually it’s my birthday. I’m 31 today.
I know I look younger — it’s the Botox.
[He looks like he doesn’t give a shit.]
GOD:
Country of origin?
ME:
France.
(winces)
Left when I was 21. Not a vacation—just an exit strategy with good lighting.
GOD:
Occupation?
ME:
Survivor. PhD candidate. Emotionally literate gay chaos technician. Depends on the lighting.
GOD:
Purpose of visit?
ME:
Peace. But like, the kind where I still get attention. Not the boring kind.
GOD:
Do you have anything to declare?
ME:
Yes.
• Two near-death experiences in Taiwan, both unintentionally poetic.
• One nervous system held together in three languages by bubble tea, gym sessions, and raw spite.
• And a full carry-on of identity crises dressed as productivity.
GOD:
And how long do you plan to stay in Peace™?
ME:
Honestly? I don’t trust it. I’ll take a weekend pass and re-evaluate.
[God flips through my file like it’s a People magazine spread from hell.]
GOD:
“Age 13. Wanted to run away from home.”
And yet you stayed till 21?
ME:
Unfortunately. I was emotionally advanced but logistically broke.
GOD:
“Moved 10,000 km away. Developed guilt complex. Responded with hotness.”
Okay diva. Iconic.
ME:
It's called trying not to die with aesthetics.
GOD:
Then 10 years in Taiwan. Alcoholism. Emotional math.
Two years sober now.
You became your own therapist?
ME:
My nervous system needed a project.
GOD:
Mmhm. I also saw you do ecstasy in that club in Taipei and try to convince a bartender you were escaping through dance.
ME:
I —
[God raises an eyebrow at a blurry photo of me at 17, journal in hand, gay panic in eyes.]
GOD:
Let’s talk about your past selves.
ME:
Oh god.
GOD:
That’s me.
So. You’re traveling with... how many?
ME:
I don’t know. All of them. The angry one. The dissociated one. The one who kept saying “it’s fine” with shaking hands.
They’re not gone. They just take turns driving.
GOD:
And none of them were left behind?
ME:
No. I kept the door open for all of them.
Even the ones I hated.
Especially them.
GOD:
That’s not in the report.
ME:
Exactly. They’re quiet now. But they’re still here. Watching.
GOD:
And this one?
What would your 17-year-old self say?
ME:
He’d ask:
“Are we finally free?”
And I’d say:
“We’re not hunted anymore. That’s close enough.”
GOD:
Okay. Final question.
Do you know what “being held right” means?
ME:
Yeah.
It’s someone not flinching when I place my chaos gently in their lap.
It’s body-to-body contact without a transaction.
It’s someone sitting next to me on the sofa and not asking me to translate my ache into straight language.
GOD:
Do you think you deserve that?
ME:
I do.
But that’s not the point.
It’s not whether I deserve it or not.
It’s that I truly think I need it.
And I think needing without deserving is how humans work.
Right?
[Pause.]
GOD:
So when did you decide to stay alive?
[Silence.]
ME:
When I stopped apologizing for wanting to leave.
[Silence.]
GOD:
Finally.
GOD:
Entry to Peace™ approved.
But know this:
Peace is not absence of pain.
It’s the absence of performance.
And you don’t know how to stop performing, babe.
ME:
I’m trying.
GOD:
Try quieter.
You don’t have to sparkle for someone to stay.
[God stamps the passport.]
🛂 WELCOME TO PEACE™
Your roommates:
- Hope (needs you to build)
- Silence (not the villain you think he is)
-
Fear (running simulations nobody asked for)
- Guilt (will stay forever)
- Shame (feels their eyes)
- Joy (knows it's fleeting)
- And Anger (will stand for truth)
[The divine leaves. The self steps forward.]
The stage is empty.
And now I'm hearing the voice of the self who just got approved to exist.
I didn’t survive to be palatable.
I didn’t crawl out of France, heartbreak, dissociation, and a language I bled through
just to flatten myself for comfort.
I didn’t run so far just to disappear quietly.
I came here to feel it all.
To sit with every self who didn’t get picked.
To let them stay.
None of them died.
Because I let them live.
Every version of me gets a bed here.
Some nights we cry.
Other nights we spoon.
We’re still learning how to stop asking to be chosen.
But we’re here.
Together.
At Peace™.
And baby?
We didn’t cross all those borders
just to abandon ourselves at the gate.
🌀
📂 FILE CLOSED: IMMIGRATION INTERVIEW WITH GOD
Status: Approved
Location: Internal
Issued: Tuesday
Validity: Ongoing